This is something a little different. My beautiful friend Kim Morrison, the owner of Twenty 8 chemical free skincare who is the queen of Self Care has created a mindset series with myself for the Fat Loss Protocol, and it was too spectacular not to share. Enjoy!
Is it just me? Or is life sometimes just one huge challenge? How come we argue? Why do we have to put up with confrontations and people bad-mouthing or hurting us? How come we lose it and behave in ways we do not like in ourselves? Why do we self-sabotage, over eat or choose the wrong foods or drink to oblivion? Is it that life actually sucks? Or is it more just a case of out of control emotions and a lack of self-control?
I am incredibly blessed to have worked with Cyndi and Carren on the Up For A Chat podcast. We will often have a chat (of course!) before we start to record and then realise the topic we are talking about is worthy to share so we begin recording our interactions and thoughts. This is why our podcasts feel like you really are just part of the conversation and why we do not rehearse what we are going to say. One thing I have discovered in the six months of recordings and what I have learned from Cyndi and Carren is how important it is to ‘stay in the work’ and be committed to being a good role model with quality human behaviors.
Ahhhhh…All very good and well when we are happy, on top of things or feeling content to think like this isn’t it? But what about those days when you are exhausted? Or vulnerable? Or when you have your teenage son lose the plot because you have decided Playstation is no longer a game your family needs or wants in the home? How do you react when you know you cant pay your bills on
time as money is tight? Or when your partner is grumpy and you take it on and then be a complete grump back making it even worse? What about feeling so overwhelmed you don’t know where to go or what to do so you raid the fridge and or pantry? What do you do when you know someone is saying things about you that simply are not true? I mean really… How on earth do we manage our emotions when we feel so upset, angry, hurt or betrayed?
Become an enlightened sentient being may be our only option I am thinking! Those monks have certainly got something that I do crave at times!! I received a quote on email today that sparked this blog and I thought how true…
The standard of success in life isn’t the things. It isn’t the money or the stuff — it is absolutely the amount of joy you feel.
I know when challenges are afoot it is not an easy time… I know there are challenges and changes ahead for all of us at different times in different ways. I just thought this was such a beautiful message for each of us and a wonderful reminder. After all when we are all up there in the heavens sitting at the pearly gates what will be the important things we will be talking about?? The fights, challenges, arguments, lack of money, time or worth… Or will it be the adventures, the laughs, the beautiful friends and family, our experiences and what gave us our joy? I totally believe in self-care rituals. Physical and personal rituals are beautiful especially with things like music, baths, cooking, reading, massages and facials… Emotionally though it can be a little harder. We know when emotions are high intelligence is low. We all know it and we can simply say welcome to the human race! Here are some things I have learned and found helps get me back on track and committed to being the best I can be and to stay in the whole realm of self-development work.
* Write down 10 things in your journal that you are grateful for each morning. This really does help set you up to be in a good frame of mind regardless of what you have been through the day or night before. We know scientifically and through quantum physics that the vibrational energy we omit is heightened when we think positively. It might be things like – I am grateful to see the sun shining. I am grateful for the note my son wrote me. I so appreciated cooking dinner with my daughter. I am so grateful for the bonus I received. On the days you are hurting this is even more important to do and it might be that you are grateful you are alive, or that the person who upset you is alive and not where you were intending them to be beforehand! You might just be grateful for the sound of the ocean or the blue sky… it doesn’t matter but even on those really dark days there is always something to be find gratitude in, the trick is ensuring you make sure of it.
* Light your vaporiser. Smell is so closely linked to our emotions. When you inhale an aroma those particles travel up the olfactory system and hit the limbic part of the brain which is our emotional centre. Depending on the constituents that make up that smell will depend on its effectiveness via the central nervous system. Inhaling a calming oil like Lavender which has sedating properties will help soothe and relax. Inhaling something like Rosemary will have a more stimulating, activating effect. Essential oils like high quality and precious Rose, Frankincense, Jasmine and Neroli all help the nerves, and emotions like anger, grief, resentment and fear. This simple daily ritual in the home and at work can create miracles. And guess what? Everyone who is living and breathing will be effected by it!
* Do your aromatic Daily Body Boost. There has not been a day in 26 years that I have not used essential oils. As soon as I discovered their potency and effectiveness I knew I would embrace them daily. By placing three drops of your chosen blend into about 6mls of carrier oil, adding 3 sprays of Magnesium Health Spray and then applying all over your naked body you are saying that you care, that you are keen to look after yourself and that you are worth it. This again sets you up for a much better day, it is like creating a day by design really and a chance to have some precious ‘me’ time first thing every morning. It is a wonderful all over skin-treatment and a wonderful de-toxer. All in all this amazing 2minute ritual is probably the most effective emotional booster of all! You can check out how to do this on www.twenty8.com and click on the Body Boost packs in the online store. There’s even a video of me describing it under each pack!
* Move your body. No matter how bad or tired you feel do something to move your body. The feel good hormones released after exercise is priceless, invaluable. It will lift the most despondent of moods, and if you have wide open spaces like a park or a beach then you can let it all out and howl or cry to your hearts content without anyone knowing or hearing. A drop of Rose oil on the heart when exercising is incredible when feeling so vulnerable and upset. You can download my Fab4in5 quick check exercise regime here too. At least do these four basic exercises everyday! Walk. Earth yourself by walking barefoot on the grass or sand! Swim, cleanse the soul.
* Feel it to heal it. There is no point bottling up your emotions. Get them out. Either with a friend who listens and does not add fuel to the fire or a professional counsellor. Someone who can be your voice of reason and confidante. It’s ok to have a wee pity party for a little bit, but in all honesty staying there and being a victim does not do anything for one’s emotional self-care. Pick yourself up, don’t resort to drugs or alcohol or food sabotaging. Work through the feelings and know that the more you feel it, the quicker you heal it.
* Eat better than ever. So many people think that because they are down or challenged to hell with it and they can eat what they want when they want. Don’t! It’s not worth it and believe it or not it will take you longer to get over whatever it is you are going through. Eating sensibly and with care when emotional is critical. As already mentioned when emotions are high intelligence is low so
make sure you have only good foods in the home so you are not tempted or thrown off guard. Many people when stressed don’t eat at all and lose a lot of weight. This is not good either. If nothing else make sure you are getting Cyndi’s Super Greens, Colloidals and Probiotics into you twice a day when under stress. They will be your life-saver.
* Don’t be a drama queen. So often people become addicted to the drama in life. If you have people around you constantly bickering about others or who are constantly in one drama after another, or if they bring you down then its time to form new networks or change behaviours. It is easy to be a drama queen and get sucked in. The challenge is stepping out of that, not buying into the drama of it and being true to your own self. If you love yourself fully then you will not speak of others behind their back or want to hurt them. We only see in others what we see in ourselves first. Be kind to you and you will be automatically kind to others. Simple.
* Don’t get angry get smart! It is incredibly easy to get angry, blow up or accuse others. The challenge is self-control. Anger is not an emotion that should be avoided, after all sometimes when we get angry we want to take action and make something better. It is only when we use anger as a form of control that causes huge pain and regret. If you are someone who gets angry every time
there is a problem maybe its time to look deeper within or get help. Continual anger and flare ups might as well be a temper tantrum, throwing your toys out of the cot or a way to control others and make them conform or behave. But the bottom line is this – it doesn’t work. It either fuels the other person to get more angry or it makes them shut down and not trust you. When you get angry ask yourself what is making me feel this way? Why am I reacting this way? If anger is your first method of defense then ask yourself why you do it? Are you hiding something? Pissed off you have been found out? Upset you are not being heard? Annoyed someone can see through you? Or has it just become an easy uncontrollable habit? Just as easy as it is to become a victim in life so too is it easy to use anger to get your way. An angry person is also a very unattractive person. Often when we are angry and so rapt up in our emotion we say things we later regret and neither can we give space to hear other people’s points of view. The sad thing in relationships is often those we love the most or care about the most are the ones we lash out at and attack. We think it doesn’t matter so much because they will always be there. Sadly, the day may well come when others are not willing to hear your anger anymore and they will leave. If you have anger issues or people are constantly telling you to quieten down or lower your voice maybe now is a good time to seek help and most importantly – forgive yourself and apologise to those you hurt.
* Stay committed to being a better version of yourself. It is easy to become a victim of life. It is easy to think you are worse off than anyone else. It’s easy to hold one pity party after another or blame or get angry or sulk or give up. Trust me this is the easiest way to travel through life. What is difficult – and the true opportunity for growth – is to not give in, to be kind, practice forgiveness, love others even when they are hurting you and to be kind. When other people are saying awful things about you or hurting you have compassion. Practice forgiveness. Remember for them to say these things about you they have either been it or are it themselves. We only see in others what we see in us. Otherwise we wouldn’t see it. I know this might feel a little rabbit hole’ish but its true. If you think someone is being a butt head well the only way you recognise butt head is you yourself at some time has been a butt head. If someone is being bossy well guess what? You are or have been bossy yourself. If someone says something incredibly nasty or mean and you know that is not you then you will not be as effected by it. There is no heat no attachment. You can ignore it, just laugh it off or feel sorry for them for thinking that way. For so many of us there is huge attachment to words and behaviors. And often with this comes blame. Be accountable and responsible for you and your actions. You cannot change others or want others to behave differently. The only one you have control of is YOU!
* Don’t react. When you feel your emotions rising, or you are going to say something you regret then take a deep breath. Create an anchor. Maybe you squeeze a ring really hard, sniff Instant Calm on a tissue or literally bite your tongue inside of your mouth. Sometimes it is even better to say – you know what we are both so emotional right now we are not going to hear this… let’s leave it and
come back to it this evening or tomorrow when we have had a chance to calm down. Wouldn’t it be lovely if it worked every time? Stay committed and it will become a way of being for you if you dare.
* Be grateful for your friends. It is when we are emotionally stressed or upset that we discover who our true friends are. Who is going to be there for you when the chips are down or you have been hurt or have behaved in a way that is not acceptable? It can be sad when there are relationship break-ups too. Often it can mean friendship break-ups as people feel, or are drawn into, taking sides. It’s understandable and predictable. What can be painful however is when you discover people you thought were friends are no longer speaking to you or saying things behind your back. Relax. It is what it is and everyone needs someone in their camp. What you will come to see is that those you thought were your friends maybe never were in the way you imagined. And it’s ok. Concentrate on and feel gratitude for those who are still there for you. That’s what truly matters.
* Be in the present, stop blaming the past or worrying about the future. It is very easy when emotionally stressed to constantly look back, blame, get angry or worry about the future. Your challenge when emotional is to stay in the moment. Breathe. Live each day moment by moment, breath by breath. A famous quote ‘This too shall pass’ could not be more true. The ebb and flow of life has constant ups and downs. It is what it is. Just surrender to the moment and breathe. Trust that this too shall pass and you will get through this. It might take a few days, a few months or a few years but you will get through it. Don’t put a time limit or pressure on yourself. Don’t keep bringing up the past. What is done is done. Draw a line in the sand and say as of now… Aim to work through things as quickly as possible but have empathy and be gentle with yourself.
* Up until now. This amazing comment has been life-changing for me. Since we lost all of our money in a property deal and the remainder in a major financial institution it’s fair to say we lost a lot of confidence around money and were very emotional around it. Since that time I felt I was useless, hopeless with money. And then I met these three little words… I now say ‘I lost my confidence and was not good with money up until now. Now I am a confident business woman, home manager and great budgeter’. If you are someone who has always been blamed for being angry or unemotional or not loving enough you can now say ‘Well that was up until now. Now I am a strong, calm, loving person who has so much to give.’ It has such a different connotation doesn’t it?
* Say sorry. Oh my gosh the amount of people that refuse to say sorry or have so much ego involved they cannot say sorry is astounding. I always believe it is the one who says sorry who has the greater control, self-belief and self-worth and is the true winner. You might not be sorry for what you had to do, or what has been said or happened but you can be sorry about the situation.
* Meditate. Even if you have not been much of a meditator before now is the time to embrace it. When we are emotional we are often looking for solace, something new, something to help us through. Don’t fight the internal chatter or worry about all those words flying around in your head when you begin to meditate. It’s quite normal and it’s ok. Sometimes I find listening to a
meditation is easier to concentrate. For those of you familiar TM or Transcendental Meditation is a wonderful practice for 20 minutes twice a day. There are many forms and ways to meditate the important thing to remember is to practice it and remember its main focus is to quieten the mind. Sometimes going for a run is a form of meditation. Cooking a meal for others is a form of meditating. It is about being present, quiet and not worrying about the internal chatter. Being present. Being calm. Being love.
* Journal and write down your thoughts. This is a fantastic way to release all those negative thoughts. Write and write and write some more. You might even write a letter to the person who is hurting you, say everything you want to say… then screw it up and throw it out. Do not send emails or thoughts to someone when you are in the heat of it. You might say things you regret or it might come across in a way you did not intend. Take a breather. Stay calm. Write in your own personal journal. And there it stays out of your head and mind and not passing blame to someone else. It is natural to want to hurt someone who has hurt you, but it doesn’t solve anything and often becomes a tit for tat, he said she said.
* Understand that we each have different personalities. Sometimes it is really hard to imagine why someone is being so ignorant to your thoughts and feelings. Often this is only because they are a different personality to you and cannot imagine how you are seeing it or feeling. They only know their version of the world and its occurances. Understanding this gives greater insight into their behaviours and a wonderful chance to see where they are coming from without attachment. I have written a wonderful eBook ‘Why Cant You Be Normal Like Me?’ which might have some pearls of wisdom if this is an issue for you!
* Imagine a different perspective. I will never forget driving down the highway with my beautiful grandmother one day when this nutter cut me off in a very silly way. My first reaction was – what a butt head, what’s his problem and I was about to voice these feelings when my dear grandma said ‘Oh dear, I wonder what has happened. I do hope his wife and children are ok.’ I had not even given any consideration that he could be driving like that out of fear or worry. As far as I was concerned the guy was a butt head! But on those few words I realised even though I will never ever know what his story was I can have a difference perspective and feel lighter and more loving with this line of thought than the angry one. It also doesn’t effect me in anywhere near the same harsh way when I stayed in the guy is a butt head!
* Love love and love some more. No matter what is happening, what anyone is saying or how they are behaving send out love and more love. If you are hurting yourself then imagine you are a little girl or boy, or your own son or daughter or mate or girlfriend. What would you say to them if they were in the same situations. Give yourself a little slack.
* Listen to podcasts that inspire and uplift you. Seriously these are a wonderful learning tool to get you through tough times. It is fantastic to listen to how others do it and get through. Its inspiring listening to other people tell their stories or what they have used to get through tough times.
* Manifest, manifest and manifest some more. Instead of sitting there thinking how tough or unfair life is what if you put that energy into manifesting a new more amazing life. How about asking for the man of your dreams and putting deadline on it. Or manifesting more than enough money? Or peace? Or a beautiful home? Whatever it is you want start putting it out there and focusing all your intention on it. I am totally working on this one at present and am totally astounded at what is being presented in my life and in particular what has happened recently for me. It is a phenomenal way of being. You just have to get clear, write it down as if it is in the present tense and focus focus focus. Give all of your attention to that and stop giving attention to what you don’t want. Guess what happens if you keep resisting? It just keeps on persisting so give it a different intention and energy! I personally love Manifesting Matisse and E2 books. They have been integral for me lately. I am totally gobsmacked and grateful at what is occurring in my life.
* Say a daily mantra or grace. My own personal mantra when going through tough times is – God please give me the courage, grace, strength and dignity to get through this. It is so effective and helpful. You don’t want to behave like a two year old. Challenges are actually a chance for growth, for expansion and for learning. It can take us a wee bit to get to that point but when you do it somehow lightens.
Whatever we do to ourselves and others is a direct reflection of where we are at in life. Be accountable. Take responsibility. As dear Carren always says there is one common denominator in all of your life’s challenges… YOU! You are there for all of them. At some point we actually have to grow up and take a good hard long look at ourselves. As Charles Swindoll says ‘I am convinced life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it’. Live by the 90/10 rule! Look after yourself and your emotions. And remember everything is perfect. It might be imperfectly perfect but it is still perfect – otherwise it would never be happening anyway.
‘Our task is to learn, to become God-like through knowledge. We know so little. You are here to be my teacher. I have so much to learn. By knowledge we approach God, and then we can rest. Then we can come back to teach others.’ Katherine, Dr Brian Weiss.